What happens when at a point in life, you are faced with a situation that has two solutions….one that requires you to listen to your heart and move according to your emotions and the other that wants you to use your brain and act practically?
If you move forward and give in to your heart…you might be happy for the rest of your life…and experience things that you have always dreamed of …but the happiness has strings attached to it…and can make you face:
• Temporary joy...and then remorse
• Criticism
• Unhappiness for people you care about
• Unfulfilled expectations
• No option to turn back
While if you listen to your brain…you will get out of the situation and continue with your life as before…regretting of not having the courage to experience your dreams for as long as you live.
A difficult situation….but which most of us often face in our lives…as different circumstances surround us…and the matter of what you give priority in life to…comes in effect….
Your feelings…your commitments…your dreams…your ambitions…your beloveds' happiness…your morals…your ideals…or your goals?
Some acknowledge when they face such situations and think hard and easily select one of the two paths…
Some are not even adventurous enough to want to face such a situation and avoid it with all their might…
While there are others who resort to a two-way solution..where you want to sail in both the boats….the balancing act on which can either drown you finally….or force you to jump in one of the boats just before capsizing….
Though it depends from situation to situation….it is easy to categorize oneself on a broad level…
Which one of these people are you?
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Deja Vu
I have been here before...exactly at this location...exactly at this point...probably even experienced the same feelings of exhilaration and joy...as I was feeling now...by looking at the lovely lake surrounded by lovelier trees...
This is the resort...a friend had recommended...and I had instantly fallen in love with the snaps on their website and booked it in a go!!
But now as soon as I had gotten out of their pickup car...and walked up the porch...I had a Deja Vu....
Practically I had never been here before...all this was new...unseen...
Yet it seemed vaguely familiar....and exciting.
As these thoughts raced in my mind...I clutched at my hand bag and moved forward....
The lovely cottage that the website promised...looked even prettier than before...the door almost hidden by the lovely pink flowers...the names of which I never remembered!!
The entire resort was a feast to the eyes and a peace to the mind...
Sun glittered in the lake...as a family of ducks parked near the pink and while flower bushes on the side...the scene looked like a movie shot...right out of paradise...there was a serenity in the air...a calmness...that I had forgotten about since moving to the big city...
Inhaling the fresh air into my lungs forcefully...I stopped in my reverie...as a familiar pang of excitement struck me again...Looking around...I tried to find a clue to these strange feelings...
My eyes stopped at the man standing with the black umbrella clutched under his armpit...looking towards the lake....I suddenly knew that he would turn around and address me...I don't know how I knew...but somehow I did...
I moved forward slowly as if in a trance...keeping an eye on the man with the umbrella...
As I had thought ...he turned out and without seeming surprised to see me...nodded to me and said: Sometimes it takes only a while to realize what your life has been, whereas sometimes...it takes a life time...and you still don't realize. Saying these words in a baritone voice, he turned back to looking at the lake ..as if I was not there at all.
I stopped dead in my tracks...wondering if he had addressed me or someone else...or maybe he had just talked to himself...
In my heart, I knew that he had addressed me...just as I had known that he would turn around and talk to me ...
But how had he known my frame of mind...to have said something like that???
I moved ahead...feeling excited and curious...and called out to him...addressing him as: Sir...
The man turned...this time with astonishment written all over his face...and said: Are you calling me, "Sir"???
A little flustered at this unexpected question....I faltered and muttered: Yes, is there a problem?
Astonishment turned to amusement...and then to laughter...as the man started laughing loudly and then almost uncontrollably....all the time looking at me with his twinkling eyes...
Feeling uncomfortable and offended all of a sudden...I turned around and started towards the cottage with hurried steps...while behind me, I could hear the man laughing and laughing...
Reaching the cottage door, I grasped the handle and pulled open the door...
The lovely interiors...took my breath away and made me forget the eerie laughter that I had just fled from.
The cottage was in muted greens and pinks...and little white flowers adorned the mirror, the shelf, the bedside table...and the vase of the dining table...
I could see my luggage already inside the cottage...Sighing happily, I decided to freshen up...and took out a towel, a change of clothes ...and a clip to tie my hair up from my bag.
Pulling my hair up in a knot, I moved towards the mirror to clasp them with the clip....but the clip slipped out of my hand and my hair tumbled down on my shoulders...as I looked at myself in the mirror...
I could see the curtains of the window with the little embroidery in pink silk, the bedside table and the quaint little pink candle stand...I could even see the evening light peeping from the window....
But I, standing in front of the mirror, ...was not there.
Frozen with shock....I stood staring..
And slowly the man's laughter started drowning the loud thudding of my heart...
This is the resort...a friend had recommended...and I had instantly fallen in love with the snaps on their website and booked it in a go!!
But now as soon as I had gotten out of their pickup car...and walked up the porch...I had a Deja Vu....
Practically I had never been here before...all this was new...unseen...
Yet it seemed vaguely familiar....and exciting.
As these thoughts raced in my mind...I clutched at my hand bag and moved forward....
The lovely cottage that the website promised...looked even prettier than before...the door almost hidden by the lovely pink flowers...the names of which I never remembered!!
The entire resort was a feast to the eyes and a peace to the mind...
Sun glittered in the lake...as a family of ducks parked near the pink and while flower bushes on the side...the scene looked like a movie shot...right out of paradise...there was a serenity in the air...a calmness...that I had forgotten about since moving to the big city...
Inhaling the fresh air into my lungs forcefully...I stopped in my reverie...as a familiar pang of excitement struck me again...Looking around...I tried to find a clue to these strange feelings...
My eyes stopped at the man standing with the black umbrella clutched under his armpit...looking towards the lake....I suddenly knew that he would turn around and address me...I don't know how I knew...but somehow I did...
I moved forward slowly as if in a trance...keeping an eye on the man with the umbrella...
As I had thought ...he turned out and without seeming surprised to see me...nodded to me and said: Sometimes it takes only a while to realize what your life has been, whereas sometimes...it takes a life time...and you still don't realize. Saying these words in a baritone voice, he turned back to looking at the lake ..as if I was not there at all.
I stopped dead in my tracks...wondering if he had addressed me or someone else...or maybe he had just talked to himself...
In my heart, I knew that he had addressed me...just as I had known that he would turn around and talk to me ...
But how had he known my frame of mind...to have said something like that???
I moved ahead...feeling excited and curious...and called out to him...addressing him as: Sir...
The man turned...this time with astonishment written all over his face...and said: Are you calling me, "Sir"???
A little flustered at this unexpected question....I faltered and muttered: Yes, is there a problem?
Astonishment turned to amusement...and then to laughter...as the man started laughing loudly and then almost uncontrollably....all the time looking at me with his twinkling eyes...
Feeling uncomfortable and offended all of a sudden...I turned around and started towards the cottage with hurried steps...while behind me, I could hear the man laughing and laughing...
Reaching the cottage door, I grasped the handle and pulled open the door...
The lovely interiors...took my breath away and made me forget the eerie laughter that I had just fled from.
The cottage was in muted greens and pinks...and little white flowers adorned the mirror, the shelf, the bedside table...and the vase of the dining table...
I could see my luggage already inside the cottage...Sighing happily, I decided to freshen up...and took out a towel, a change of clothes ...and a clip to tie my hair up from my bag.
Pulling my hair up in a knot, I moved towards the mirror to clasp them with the clip....but the clip slipped out of my hand and my hair tumbled down on my shoulders...as I looked at myself in the mirror...
I could see the curtains of the window with the little embroidery in pink silk, the bedside table and the quaint little pink candle stand...I could even see the evening light peeping from the window....
But I, standing in front of the mirror, ...was not there.
Frozen with shock....I stood staring..
And slowly the man's laughter started drowning the loud thudding of my heart...
Why?
Have you ever thought why certain misfortunes keep occurring in some people's lives...and not in others?
Why do some people always have to face...some kind of problems in whatever they do...while there are others...who are known as "lucky"?
What does God think when he sketches the destinies of different humans?
Why are some privileged...some under-privileged...for no fault of theirs....but just because of their destinies...??
Everyone tries to live as best as they can...assuring themselves...that what they could not get, achieve, or what they lost...was destiny and they have no choice but to go on....
Some less courageous...attempt to end their lives...when they cant face a certain situation...
While others try to get to something that they want...through dishonest means...by tricking others...and ensuring that they face the destiny designed for them!
"Why" is the big question? That no one has an answer to. But unconsciously comes to every one's mind whenever you have to face an unjust tragedy...an unfair situation and unreasonable circumstances...
Why do some people always have to face...some kind of problems in whatever they do...while there are others...who are known as "lucky"?
What does God think when he sketches the destinies of different humans?
Why are some privileged...some under-privileged...for no fault of theirs....but just because of their destinies...??
Everyone tries to live as best as they can...assuring themselves...that what they could not get, achieve, or what they lost...was destiny and they have no choice but to go on....
Some less courageous...attempt to end their lives...when they cant face a certain situation...
While others try to get to something that they want...through dishonest means...by tricking others...and ensuring that they face the destiny designed for them!
"Why" is the big question? That no one has an answer to. But unconsciously comes to every one's mind whenever you have to face an unjust tragedy...an unfair situation and unreasonable circumstances...
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
When the time decided to stop...
The tick-tick of the clock stopped suddenly...
I would not have really noticed the sound of the clock had I not been alone in the house ...reading in the silence...only the clock’s sound to lend me company.
Thinking that the batteries must have conked off....I took a deep sip from my coffee cup and flipped a page. Something made me look out of the window... I noticed that the wind had stopped blowing....even the trees that were swinging in the wind....were frozen in the positions that they had been in! The stray dog of the colony had stopped in its strides as if posing for a portrait...the still children in the park were looking at their ball in mid-air. Everything was stationary with a quiet stillness that I had only seen in movies or still photos!
Astonished, I stood up from my position and checked all my limbs...all seem to be working and moving....then what had happened here...? If I could move...why couldn’t the others? Confused and a bit scared, I helplessly looked around for a reason....is this doomsday...?? Did I do something that I am in this labyrinth? Is something going to happen that I am not aware of?
With the feeling that I am missing something drastically important, I decided to go and check on the other people....in the neighbourhood....Going out of the house, I pressed the bell of the apartment opposite to mine but no sound came...was there no electricity? But I could clearly see the light in the corridor...and in my own apartment....I tried my bell and there it went.... peeling loudly...making me jump out of my skin in the eerie silence surrounding me!
Why was it that everything that was mine was functioning ...while the rest of the world seems to have gone into a lull!!???
An idea struck me...and I rushed to switch on the TV...there to my shock.......the frozen images....kept changing...but only when I switched one channel after the other! All channels gone bad together?
Now I was really scared...what the hell was happening???? Was all this a big joke...was someone playing a prank on me!?? Or was this a divine intervention for paying me back for my sins??? Or had I gone crazy in the head??
Taking a deep breath....I sat down on the couch and tried to think what to do next...
I tried to recall if I had read or seen anything like this before...
Remembering Wells’ “Time Machine” that I had read in school...I also recalled many movies made on the same theme... But apart from a few scenes, in which people had travelled back and forth in time using the time machine....I couldn’t recall much......but what was happening here? There was no time machine...what did I have to do? What was the significance of all this? What am I expected to do?
I got up to tweak the hands of my clock...as I remembered people doing in movies...waiting for everything to go back in time miraculously and start moving!!! But still nothing happened....
Panicky and trying not to cry...I prayed hard for things to be normal again...but it seemed nothing was working....nothing was normal....or maybe I had become abnormal and was imagining all this??
Perplexed and helpless...I started pacing the room...thinking of my options...now that the world had literally stopped all around me...what was best possible in this scenario? What shall I do? Shall I read, write, pray, or go to sleep....could I ever fall asleep in such a situation!!! Was this going to last forever??
Questions raced in my mind….I picked up the book I was reading….went back to the coach and tried to concentrate on the printed words but everything blurred and I couldn't stop the tears of helplessness that started falling down my eyes…
Suddenly…I felt a strange stillness within myself…and I could hear my hear beat going thud-thud…and then missing a beat…and then almost vanishing…panicked …I tried to sit up but my feet, my back, my hands refused to move…as if they had been turned to stone….I could feel the tears that I had shed moments ago…turning hard on my cheeks...and not rolling anymore….
Oh! I thought…so its happening to me too…but then I started hearing the clock going tick-tick again….and I wanted to shout with joy…but couldn’t...the immobility had struck me...was it some sort of virus??
As I sat there like a stone…with the book clutched in my hand….and the pearls of tears sitting on my cheeks…I began noticing other sounds around me…yes, the children were shouting and playing again...and there...the dog was barking too...the images of my TV were moving again…a woman politician had attacked the microphone...of the speaker of the assembly and threw it as people ushered her out of door...I could even hear my neighbour's son shouting at his mother…
My cell phone started playing "Yeh Dooriyan"...my latest ring tone...and I just kept staring at my friend's number flashing on the screen paralysed....
Everything was back to normal...the only difference was...now I was the one for whom the time had stopped moving...
I would not have really noticed the sound of the clock had I not been alone in the house ...reading in the silence...only the clock’s sound to lend me company.
Thinking that the batteries must have conked off....I took a deep sip from my coffee cup and flipped a page. Something made me look out of the window... I noticed that the wind had stopped blowing....even the trees that were swinging in the wind....were frozen in the positions that they had been in! The stray dog of the colony had stopped in its strides as if posing for a portrait...the still children in the park were looking at their ball in mid-air. Everything was stationary with a quiet stillness that I had only seen in movies or still photos!
Astonished, I stood up from my position and checked all my limbs...all seem to be working and moving....then what had happened here...? If I could move...why couldn’t the others? Confused and a bit scared, I helplessly looked around for a reason....is this doomsday...?? Did I do something that I am in this labyrinth? Is something going to happen that I am not aware of?
With the feeling that I am missing something drastically important, I decided to go and check on the other people....in the neighbourhood....Going out of the house, I pressed the bell of the apartment opposite to mine but no sound came...was there no electricity? But I could clearly see the light in the corridor...and in my own apartment....I tried my bell and there it went.... peeling loudly...making me jump out of my skin in the eerie silence surrounding me!
Why was it that everything that was mine was functioning ...while the rest of the world seems to have gone into a lull!!???
An idea struck me...and I rushed to switch on the TV...there to my shock.......the frozen images....kept changing...but only when I switched one channel after the other! All channels gone bad together?
Now I was really scared...what the hell was happening???? Was all this a big joke...was someone playing a prank on me!?? Or was this a divine intervention for paying me back for my sins??? Or had I gone crazy in the head??
Taking a deep breath....I sat down on the couch and tried to think what to do next...
I tried to recall if I had read or seen anything like this before...
Remembering Wells’ “Time Machine” that I had read in school...I also recalled many movies made on the same theme... But apart from a few scenes, in which people had travelled back and forth in time using the time machine....I couldn’t recall much......but what was happening here? There was no time machine...what did I have to do? What was the significance of all this? What am I expected to do?
I got up to tweak the hands of my clock...as I remembered people doing in movies...waiting for everything to go back in time miraculously and start moving!!! But still nothing happened....
Panicky and trying not to cry...I prayed hard for things to be normal again...but it seemed nothing was working....nothing was normal....or maybe I had become abnormal and was imagining all this??
Perplexed and helpless...I started pacing the room...thinking of my options...now that the world had literally stopped all around me...what was best possible in this scenario? What shall I do? Shall I read, write, pray, or go to sleep....could I ever fall asleep in such a situation!!! Was this going to last forever??
Questions raced in my mind….I picked up the book I was reading….went back to the coach and tried to concentrate on the printed words but everything blurred and I couldn't stop the tears of helplessness that started falling down my eyes…
Suddenly…I felt a strange stillness within myself…and I could hear my hear beat going thud-thud…and then missing a beat…and then almost vanishing…panicked …I tried to sit up but my feet, my back, my hands refused to move…as if they had been turned to stone….I could feel the tears that I had shed moments ago…turning hard on my cheeks...and not rolling anymore….
Oh! I thought…so its happening to me too…but then I started hearing the clock going tick-tick again….and I wanted to shout with joy…but couldn’t...the immobility had struck me...was it some sort of virus??
As I sat there like a stone…with the book clutched in my hand….and the pearls of tears sitting on my cheeks…I began noticing other sounds around me…yes, the children were shouting and playing again...and there...the dog was barking too...the images of my TV were moving again…a woman politician had attacked the microphone...of the speaker of the assembly and threw it as people ushered her out of door...I could even hear my neighbour's son shouting at his mother…
My cell phone started playing "Yeh Dooriyan"...my latest ring tone...and I just kept staring at my friend's number flashing on the screen paralysed....
Everything was back to normal...the only difference was...now I was the one for whom the time had stopped moving...
Friday, July 24, 2009
The Generation Gap
Today flipping through the newspaper and sipping the cool coffee at a coffee shop in the afternoon....sound of young giggles made me lower my paper and look up.
I saw a young girl and boy, dressed in school dress enter the coffee shop. As they stood at the counter ordering muffins, I amusedly thought...they must have stopped via their way home to take a bite before heading home...
The sight made me nostalgic for a while....as I remembered the good old school days when we used to walk home from school and often spend our pocket money on ice-creams and sundaes in summers...and dig into hot chocolate in winters!!
However, as they turned towards one of the tables...the girl's low slung short skirt caught my eye...winging on her hips as she cat-walked to the table. I looked over her and noticed the eyes highlighted by Kajal...and lips by gloss...her hair were cut in the latest Katrina style...and she was tossing them around quite adeptly!
The boy was tall and lanky... around 15-16 years of age...with new hairs covering his face...that had not yet grown so much that they could have been shaved...his school trousers was as also as low-slung as the girl's skirt... Smiling to myself, I remembered our plain grey tunics... that made us look like nuns!
Chiding myself for staring, I was about to go back to the newspaper...when I saw the boy's hand going around the girl's shoulder...In a minute, both were kissing...right there...in the coffee shop...among the crowded tables...with the muffin sitting on the table between them!
For a moment, I was shocked...not because I had never seen anyone kiss before...or have never kissed myself...!
I just couldn't believe that what I thought as an innocent muffin-eating visit...was aimed at something else ...and that at the age of 15-16?????
For even a person as liberal as me this sudden bold gesture by two school kids in public...was a bit too much...Its not that I never had crushes in school or never heard of such things going on..in school...but somehow...today's incident just shook me...
I couldn't stop myself from thinking about their parents...innocently waiting for them to return home from school...not really knowing ...what they are up to...
The girl's eye caught mine....and uncomfortably I looked away...even more surprised...that she looked so normal and quite comfortable...and not at all bothered about the looks that quite a number of people were giving both of them!
They just calmly tucked into the muffin...kissed once more, paid the bill, picked up their cell phones...and their school bags... and left the cafe, holding hands...
I was left thinking....have i turned into a conservative prude or is this what is called the Generation Gap?
I saw a young girl and boy, dressed in school dress enter the coffee shop. As they stood at the counter ordering muffins, I amusedly thought...they must have stopped via their way home to take a bite before heading home...
The sight made me nostalgic for a while....as I remembered the good old school days when we used to walk home from school and often spend our pocket money on ice-creams and sundaes in summers...and dig into hot chocolate in winters!!
However, as they turned towards one of the tables...the girl's low slung short skirt caught my eye...winging on her hips as she cat-walked to the table. I looked over her and noticed the eyes highlighted by Kajal...and lips by gloss...her hair were cut in the latest Katrina style...and she was tossing them around quite adeptly!
The boy was tall and lanky... around 15-16 years of age...with new hairs covering his face...that had not yet grown so much that they could have been shaved...his school trousers was as also as low-slung as the girl's skirt... Smiling to myself, I remembered our plain grey tunics... that made us look like nuns!
Chiding myself for staring, I was about to go back to the newspaper...when I saw the boy's hand going around the girl's shoulder...In a minute, both were kissing...right there...in the coffee shop...among the crowded tables...with the muffin sitting on the table between them!
For a moment, I was shocked...not because I had never seen anyone kiss before...or have never kissed myself...!
I just couldn't believe that what I thought as an innocent muffin-eating visit...was aimed at something else ...and that at the age of 15-16?????
For even a person as liberal as me this sudden bold gesture by two school kids in public...was a bit too much...Its not that I never had crushes in school or never heard of such things going on..in school...but somehow...today's incident just shook me...
I couldn't stop myself from thinking about their parents...innocently waiting for them to return home from school...not really knowing ...what they are up to...
The girl's eye caught mine....and uncomfortably I looked away...even more surprised...that she looked so normal and quite comfortable...and not at all bothered about the looks that quite a number of people were giving both of them!
They just calmly tucked into the muffin...kissed once more, paid the bill, picked up their cell phones...and their school bags... and left the cafe, holding hands...
I was left thinking....have i turned into a conservative prude or is this what is called the Generation Gap?
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